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Monday
May092011

Round one, fight two: Tyger tyger, burning FIGHT

Well now Sports Fans, it looks like we've got quite a battle on our hands here. It's got all the zoofights ingrediencts: poor surgery, angry carnivores, incomprehensible blank intelligences and hyperconcentrated acid. Ladies and gentlemen, I am delighted to present to you:

FIGHT TWO: TIGER TIGER, BURNING FIGHT

In the SPACE corner

Something that should never have come back from the chilly vacuum beyond the sky, this first contender is both deeply uncomfortable to spend time with and horribly good at not feeling remorse. Sports Fans, it's CROAKA COLA!

The Croaka Cola company has used a frog as its mascot since it was founded by one of the heirs to the Stockbridge & Barrington soft drinks fortune many years ago.

This particular frog was launched into space as part of a publicity stunt, but was mutated by COSMIC RAYS into something TOTALLY RADICAL and also nine feet tall.

We wish we could give more details of this beast's origin story, but the Croaka Cola company insisted we concentrate instead on the refreshing taste of cold CROKE. Just looking at this creature makes me thirsty.

Croaka Cola is thirsty too.

Kept alive by immersion in a space suit full of life-giving beverage, this blankly aggressive killer lives only to refresh: jetting around on a column of flame from his spacepack, he thoughtlessly deals death with its twin hoses: one delivering sugary syrup and doling out hyperconcentrate acid.

Croaka Cola - Vital stats:

Croaka Cola - Surgeoneer’s notes:

VERSUS

In the decaying industrial corner:

From America's automotive heartland, a slab of cheap, patriotic metal and red meat with the will to kill and a heart full of disel. Please go completely crazy for MONSTER TRUCK - it might drown out the creature's horrible screams.

The General Monsters company of Detroit presents: Monster Truck! All the ferocity of a tiger, all the wheels of a truck! It sort of transforms from one into the other! It hurts so bad, all the time! Please, let the pain end!

After a crippling strike by its surgineering team, GM was forced to push Monster Truck off its assembly line without safety testing... or indeed without sewing up many of the wounds left from its construction.

We know for a fact it can shift from its bipedal form to something approximating a kind of upsetting meaty truck - but not without complete agony and appreciable blood loss.

Luckily, the one thing MT wishes for more than death is revenge against the world that lets it live - so we're guaranteed a spirired fight.

Monster Truck - Vital stats:

Monster Truck - Surgeoneer’s notes:

VOTING BEGINS NOW, AND AS BEFORE WILL RUN UNTIL THURSDAY EVENING.

YOU KNOW THE DRILL. VOTE HERE OR AT THE ZF FORUMS, AND KEEP ANY DRINKS ORDERS OR BIG PICTURES OF YOURSELF TO THE BAR OVER ON ZF. FIGHT WILL BE ON FRIDAY NIGHT.

ANY QUESTIONS ON THE TECHINCAL OR METAPHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS OF THE FIGHTERS, JUST ASK AND I WILL GIVE A DEFINITIVE ANSWER.

NOW CHOOSE YOUR WINNE

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