Smash Gordon is a controversial attempt by England to circumvent our "no human competitors" rule: a cloned Neanderthal entered into the tournament as an animal. As dense in stature as he is in mind, this brutish thug is the culmination to years of experiments by the propaganda wing of the British police state, aimed at creating an unstoppable terror weapon for Scotland Yard. In fact, he is so colossally challenged that he needs to be guided through non-violent life by his trusty bulldog, Nelson. Nonetheless, he retains a brute cunning, which is truly deadly when backed up by hubcap-sized fists.
The Sturgeon General
fighting to the bitter end
The tattered remnants of Russia's army forgot who they were fighting, but never who led them. Under the forbidding bellow of The Sturgeon General they marched, driven onwards by the hated fish on its ancient tank tracks. When they stumbled through hunger, cold or radiation sickness it urged them forward, and any who disobeyed were transfixed with a mighty shout, then mangled under its treads. The General never let discipline slip, not even when the last man in the legion died under its wheels. Therefore, in admiration of its leadership talent, we have given it an army of devlish antigrav stingrays.
This fight will take place on the hallowed ground of Arena 1, at the heart of the Zoofights citadel. A 100 yard circle of bleached sand sunk into an iron-walled pit and overlooked by rows of rickety seating, that only one contender will leave victorious.
This fight will be nothing if not bloody. A brawler who can withstand immense punishment, versus a grim colossus designed to beat virtually anything in a war of attrition. Those floating roller-skates will be an important factor, tethered to their mothersturge by steel cable, as will Smash's stalwart bulldog, Nelson. While the rays have potent stings, they are relatively flimsy at just 3 feet long.
Sturge's devastating bellow attack and thrashing tail should not be discounted, but neither should the Neanderthal's frightening strength and ability to close. If Smash can get near Sturge's face and withstand the bellowing, he will be in his element...