Sunday
Mar072010

Round Two - Loser's League Fight Three - Anklyodyte Versus Ramoninite

Ankylodyte

 

In a surprise turn of events, a group of native Antarcticans stepped up to offer their services in upgrading the poor, defeated Glaciosaur. Much to the dismay of The Atom (tm), Zoofights agreed. After all, it was free labor.
They don't seem to have changed much, though. Aside from adding the icicle gatling guns and one very pissed-off penguin with a shotgun, Ankylodyte hasn't been much improved upon since his first round. The Antarcticans seem sure of a win, though. We think it has something to do with that tarp, which they still haven't let us peek under.

Versus

Ramoninite

Embittered by his tragic loss to Wolfbike, and abandoned those who created him: Ronnie and the entire Reagan era gang, he returned to his cell and painted it black while listening to a lot of classic 80s metal. Even though he's fully converted into an anti-establishment cephalopod who rages against The Man, Ramoninite is no less of a true American patriot. With his new heart--a borrowed flux capacitor--beats to a new tune of raging against the machine, Slammonite's doesn't just have a leather jacket, diamond crotchplate, a laser light show to blind the opponent, fog to confuse him, and a battleaxe guitar. No, his ultimate weapon is the power of ROCK.

 

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We're waiting for one of the competitors to arrive so the fight can commence. Anklyodyte and the penguin that seems to have taken the crowd by storm are waiting in the arena, but Ramoninite doesn't seem to be anywhere. The tech guys came by an hour ago to set up the sound system and there's someone seated at the lighting board, but there is no sign of Ramoninite.

Is this going to be a default win for the penguin and the dinosaur it rode in on?


To the cheers of the crowd, ladies and gentlemen, Ramoninite!

Ramononite's heart is in this battle, ladies and gents. He's ready and rearing to go. He's got his guitar and enough amps to blow the roof off a stadium. We should be in for one hell of a show.

There's only one small problem. Ankylodyte dislikes rock and roll. Specifically, that penguin dislikes rock and roll. And whatever that penguin says, goes. And now he's angry.

This isn't going to end well for any of us.

Hmm... it appears the tarp the penguin was riding on has come loose and

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Oh god.

IT'S A BOMB.

THIS IS NOT A DRILL. REPEAT. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

THE ANTARCTICANS HAVE REALIZED WE WERE THE ONES THAT FUCKED WITH THEIR POWER OVER THE WINTER.

OH SWEET MERCIFUL JESUS, WE'RE BONED.

We have just received a transmission from the Penguin Liberation Organization

Greetings, Zoofights.

For too long, you have ignored the plight and peril of the flightless waterfowl. As revenge, we have rigged your competition. Should your pathetic lobster fail to stop us, this F-Bomb will destroy everything in its path. Do not attempt to rewire it. We have seen your silly "Mission Impossibles." This bomb cannot be defused.

THIS IS NEXT

YOU CANNOT STOP US

DEATH TO ZOOFIGHTS

DEATH TO LOBSTERS

BLOOM COUNTY IS GREAT

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Using the power of Rock and Rock alone, Ramoninite has singlehandedly saved all of us.

Ankloydyte and the Penguin have been thrown up into the air. The bomb has been harmlessly detonated in space. Somehow, despite the giant hole in the celling, we're all okay.

Let there be rock.

And now for a moment of silence for those who attempted to kill us.



The Penguin.

He tried to murder every one of us, but look at those fucking sunglasses. How badassed is that?