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Loser's League, Final Fight

First Creature Incoming!


Old Edward's brutal nature and recent victories in the arena has attracted the attention of the dark powers of the Indian subcontinent. Edward has been fused with six powerful Rakshasas: ravenous, man-eating Hindu demons. Each one is a mighty warrior, skilled in both martial and magical combat.

The blood of Hindu demons flows through Edward's twisted veins and reinforces his leathery hide against Christian hellfire. Their shapeshifting powers have caused him to grow to a giant size, and let him stretch his arms up to 500 meters. Edward has also gained the ability to grow poison-coated horns from his back and shoot them out as another ranged attack.

Meanwhile, his tank chassis has been replaced by terrifying mechanical spider legs. He can scuttle about with a terrifying agility that belies his massive form. Each leg is plated in demonic brass and ends in a wicked spike.

Edward is truly an unholy union of mad Victorian super-science and dark Indian magic.


So sorry I'm late, ladies and gentlemen...

I really don't trust that unseeable blackness at the junction of his wings and torso.


Dear Diary,

Dark. This place is dark now and everyone went away. Lead at every door. The old me would be scared but the new me isn't because I've got so many people to talk to. There are the big, fuzzy kitty cats, which roar. There's the people from White Chapel, but they all talk at once even though their mouths don't move so it's hard for me to hear anything clearly. There's the machine, and it makes fun clicking and clanking noises but I think it's hard of hearing because when I talk to it it doesn't answer very often and when it does it just counts (but not in the Queen's English, just in the same clanking as before) so I still don't know what it thinks of its hat. There's Laughing, who tells me I'm a good girl and laughs and then goes places to talk with the orphans that keep finding ways in here. Laughing is nice. I think he knew how sad I was that I never got to ride Groucho so he put me up on this cross and put the cross on my new friend (Friends?) so now I get to ride From Hell as much as I want! I even heard Laughing say that From Hell and I can dance together soon! No one has ever danced with me before, so I can't wait.

I'm really glad you're here, Diary. I always love talking to you, even though you can't really say anything back.

Laughing says that I'll get some new playmates, soon. I'm really looking forward to it. I asked him if he thought any of them could dance and he said that there's a Priest named Father McGarry who probably knows a few steps and can even fly! The only problem is that there's that mean monster that beat up Groucho and he's going to try to beat up the Priest now so I hope that the good Father can reason with him or else I'll have to dance with the stinky rhino instead. I asked if there was anyone else and he talked about a Flying Bison and a Gentleman Crab from the far east and a Sea-Cow who smokes (how silly!). He also said that I might get to play with the two drunks and their pet shark again, but he also said that he didn't know for sure how things were going to play out.

The more the merrier, I think. It's nice to finally have some friends after all of the sickness and fire and death and torture and bad dreams.

Laughing just mumbled about there being enough of something to "flatten Moscow". I wonder what that means.


Lilly Limbcake



And they're off! 

Wasting no time, McGarry flies straight at Edward, hoping to brandish that sword to the maximum efficiency. 

I really don't think he expected to be met by several more demons. The christian mythos doesn't say anything about vengeful tigers.

They're gathering around him, trying to circle him in before he has the chance to do anything fancy.

It looks like McGarry got a good hit in on one of the tigers.

He's hit him with the sword, but exactly how effective a flaming sword will be against dark Hindu demons remains to be seen.

Wait, wait...

Yes! And the head has bitten back, taking a portion of McGarry's chest with it!

Yes, yes, his chest has come undone and...


What's that emerging from his chest cavity?

Ladies and Gentlemen, I don't know what to say.

The skies (how can there be skies? We're in a ship) have opened. And the earth (But aren't we in a ship?) has cracked.

Some...things have spawned out of McGarry, who seems to be unphased. One of Ed's heads is on fire, but that doesn't bother him.

I really have no idea as to what is going on.


What do you do when you pit five angry Rakshasas against the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.

What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object.

What do we do when Hell has arisen to play a deadly game of chess against itself.

We pray.

We pray. 

We hope. 

We feel the urge to believe that somewhere, something out there is still pure and will redeem us all for the grievous sins against mankind we have committed both in our games back on Earth and here in this very ship.

We need a miracle.

We ask some figure, be they holy, demonic, or of man, for forgiveness from our trespasses.

And we wait.

We endure.

And through our endurance, we realize that we have no one to rely on but ourselves. An answer isn't going to come out of the sky and magically help us. We think of this as a game of chess between two major forces, where we're all pawns, but it's not.

Chess requires two identical sides.

We've been playing a different game this entire time.

But what if we're wrong? 

And this is a giant game of chess?

Whose pieces are we?

And if we're playing Chess, how will we know when one side finally wins?

Eventually, there will be a victor. 

Life has winners and losers, just like chess.

And over the fray will be the call of...

Chi l'anima mi lacera?
Chi m'agita le viscere?
Che strazio, ohimé, che smania!
Che inferno, che terror!

And that's all there was.

Edward Tigerhands has been claimed for Hell, dragged down by the Four Horsemen. What remains is a baby Rhino.

The Winner Is McGarry!

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