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Friday
Aug272010

Loser's League Round 2, Fight 2

Now for Fight Two! Ultraphant!

(PICTURE)

(Once again, ZeeToo did this)

The man who could feel no pain once again has the pressure of being mortal thrust upon him. He's still legally dead, no doubt about that, but now he has his fight or flight syndrome back.

Still an unstoppable force, he now has his choice of weapons up front to do the damage. Your opponent doesn't respond well to flails? What about swords or sledgehammers?

All the utility of a Swiss Army Knife, just without the useless toothpick.

Ladies and Gentlemen, ULTRAPHANT

VS

Finally, the last competitor! Father McGa..

(Kboss. This awesomeness is all Kboss)

Ladies and Gentlemen, if you don't mind, I'd rather introduce myself. 

My name is Father Leo McGarry, Order of St. Francis. My name is also The Crocodevil. My father is Satan, The Devil, Lucifer, Belial, Beelzebul, Apollyon, or as some of you may know him, William Randolph Hirst. 

God has forsaken me, cursing my form with His name and whithering me to a husk. My father, having recognized me as His son, has come to help me. That is how I survive.

I come to you tonight in the form of man, having shuffled off my Croclike coil and taken a wiser, more deceptive form. I bear little resemblance to that crocodile in the first round, save for my teeth. But what I have gained will make me immortal. 

War. Famine. Plague. Pestilence. All bow before me.

I seek my flaming sword. 

You would be wise to return it to me.

You can have your silly podium back. I'll be in my study, reading. Don't bother delivering me tea. I can manufacture what I want.


Uh, FATHER MCGARRY

____________________

Ladies and gentlemen, we now begin our second fight of the evening.

Ultraphant is being let out of its pen as we speak. Father McGarry is done with his book and has finished his dinner with Don Giovanni.

And they're off!

Ultraphant is charging right at Father McGarry and...

Oh, this may not be pretty.

And the mace is gone...

And he's on his back.

McGarry is just standing there, smiling.

I don't think we have a contest here...

Ultraphant is currently overdosing on the very chemicals that kept him alive. McGarry knocked them right into his digestive system and his body is absorbing them at an alarming rate.

THIS ISN'T MY SWORD. WHERE IN MY FATHERS NAME IS MY SWORD?

Father Leo McGarry, ladies and gentlemen.

Well, that's done. I'll be in my study talking to my Father. If you need me, well, you won't need me. Leave my crumpets outside.

____________________

There you have it ladies and gentlemen. Out of 7 came 2. 

Father McGarry and Edward Tigerhands.

Join us next week, when much like Highlander, there can only be one.

____________________

Dear Diary,

I good. Given sweets. Pat on the head. Good girl.

Make sense of seeing, now. Different sense than before. Better, brighter.

Forgive me, my language is bad. Not all came back to me yet. Play word games. Look for tools in thoughts. Diary help. Laughing said get wits about me. Pat on the head.

Not afraid of sharps or hots, had lots of both. High-up horses in frocks are funny. Great black tobacco sky is funny. Metal is paper now--seen it tear, may've made it tear. Laughing is proud...? Not ready yet. Still not. Soon.

Feeds other parts. Roar. Loud. No one comes except for what Laughing brings in and those don't move anymore.

Well, a little, when Laughing stops.

Can't be hungry anymore but I eat anyway because I'm good girl. Sweets.

(PICTURE)






I get sweets.




Yours,

Lilly Limbcake

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