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Saturday
Jul032010

Round 1 Fight 8

YOUR CHAMPION HAS ARRIVED 

From the Black Hills of North Dakota, weighing in at a mind-shattering 40 tons, the all-american, coal-powered, unstoppable...B-B-B-BISOOOOOOOOOOooNTRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaIIIIIIIIIIIN

The Adamantium-reinforced upper body of a giant bull bison, forged onto the thundering engine of a cast iron locomotive and the soul of a warrior, Bisontrain is the unstoppable force that's needed against the immovable object of Vault 12. Capable of unimaginable power, even if only in a straight line, this titan will strike his foes like the hammer of the gods. Let us hope the gods are on our side.


Top Trumps Scores: 

Size: AS BIG AS A TRAIN
Attack: TRAIN/10 – HE IS A TRAINS
Defence: TRAIN/10 – A TRAIN WITH A BISON ON IT
Speed: TRAIN SPEED/10 - GOES LIKE A TRAIN
Resilience: TRAIN/10 – TRAIN HARD. TRAIN TO WIN.
Evil: 0/10 – the nobility of A TRAIN
Rage: BISSOOOOOONNNNTRAAAAAAIIIINNNNNNN
Dislikes: Corners.

And there he is folks. Our saviour, or a tragic, tragic mistake. This time tomorrow, we'll know either way. Godspeed, Bisontrain.

____________________

Dear Diary,

It doesn't hurt in my head anymore, which is good because there are a lot of loud noises happening in here, I think it's because the man is fi



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Yours,
melt metal crush bone flesh goes

____________________

Gentlemen, the hour is upon us. The rail has been laid by our hard-minded simian construction crews all the way to the dread gate, and even now they are reinforcing the ceiling of the storage vaults ready for the ensuing concussions. Bisontrain has his boilers full of coal, and his heart full of bisonly resolve.

















































what could possibly go rong?

GO, GO, GO, BISONTRAIN! RIDE FOR RUIN AND THE WORLD'S ENDING! SEND MY GREETINGS TO THE GREEK KIIIIIIIIINNNGGGG

Bisontrain thunders down the fresh rails like ten tons of bowling balls falling down a well. He picks up speed like an avalanche, hurtling towards the adamantine portal within which lurks #12 with only breakage on his bovine mind. With seconds to go before his devastating impact, some.... thing stops him quite literally in his tracks. A horrendous wall of psychic energy from within the vault, quelling the power of mind and machine alike. His engines roaring at full power and his muscles straining, Bisontrain cannot move an inch forward. He must build up speed to smash that gate, or we are surely doomed.

(PICTURE)

His mechanisms are taxed to breaking point...

His wheels grind like the teeth of Gods against cold steel...

His furnace sears the air into hot streaks throughout the vault as he puts everything into gaining just one inch against the telekinetic onslaught, iron glowing white and smoke billowing... he cannot do this under his steam alone...

A voice bellows from the commentary box; a mad preacher with a pair of pliers and a megaphone, urging your support for this mechanical champion...

WE FUCKING DID IT. BISONTRAIN, WITH THE ROARS OF A THOUSAND OTHERWISE RESERVED GENTLEMEN BEHIND HIM, BREAKS THROUGH THE UNEARTHLY ASSAULT AND SMASHES THROUGH TWELVE FEET OF CONCRETE AND DREAD PSYCHIC WARDS. WHAT AWAITS HIM IN THE GRIM DARKNESS OF THE TWELFTH VAULT?

sadasasdaa

____________________

Well Al, I guess this is it. There's nothing else intact enough to take that monster before it gets into the arena and turns the audience into so much red baloney. It's been good to work with you, you limey bastard.

Indeed, and you, you hoopleheaded glass-eyed cocksucker. Guess there's nothing to do now but sit back and drink to our impending fucking demise. Here's to the United States of fuckin' America. 


Unless...

Jesus Christ man, you cannot be fucking serious

...

You unbelievable fucking cunt. Alright. Just this once, we'll help those cocksuckers out. Let's get this done fucking quickly, alright?... while he's still weak after that fuckin' performance...

____________________

(PICTURE)

 THE MARTIAN IS DOWN, AND WILL BE BURNT ONSITE BY BASTARD SHARK. BISONTRAIN'S TRAIN BODY IS WRECKED, BUT HIS BISONIC TORSO HAS BEEN FROZEN FOR ADVANCEMENT TO ROUND TWO. THANKS TO OUR COMMENTATORS, THE TOURNAMENT IS ONCE MORE SECURE. LET'S GET BACK TO FUCKING BUSINESS

ROUND ONE OVER

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