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Saturday
Mar192011

Round One - Battles Three and Four Lineup

Battle three: The Vast and the Furious


Hive Lions – 6 brainwashed lions in mental thrall to a giant tortoise with ceramic-alloy power armour and a psy-field. 


Lore: 

These lords of the Serengeti were harvested at their prime, lobotomised at our Kenyan surgery-fortress, and spray painted an eerie, lifeless shade of grey in preparation for their new life as mindless, crowd-pleasing engines of murder. Via the miracles of wireless networking, their sensory perceptions, thought processes and motor reflexes are now combined and distributed through the neural tissues of each lion, and slaved to a server residing within the ribcage of a Galapagos giant tortoise. The only catch is, the turtle’s mind is in no way linked to those of the lions, nor is it any better or more aggressive than the mind of an average giant tortoise. To make up for this, the turtle’s armour has been augmented with hydraulically assisted powered armour, made from articulated plates of bullet-resistant ceramic-alloy composite. 


Strengths:

The lions work with the combined co-ordination, sensory ability and intelligence of eight lions, with normal lion strength and speed. 


Weaknesses:

The lions will exit the range of their server unit if they stray more than 20m from the tortoise, and they know this. Unfortunately, the tortoise has free will, and can go wherever the hell it likes. Whereas the tortoise is resistant to ranged attack, a determined and strong close combat opponent could easily deactivate it if it could get close enough and stay there long enough to puncture the incredibly tough shell. 


Special skills:

The great intelligence of the hive lions allow them to do their best to shove the turtle forwards, using it as a shield and moving it towards the conflict. 


Points of interest:

If the lions exit server range, they enter a deranged, rage-zombie-like state. In such a condition they lose all group coordination and intelligence, yet fight with unquenchable ferocity, stamina and speed until they exhaust themselves. 


VERSUS


Chuggatherium – a giant ground sloth, blinded, with a chaingun and armour plate 



Lore:

This noble Pleistocene warrior has been gradually pieced together from cloned Megatherium tissues, grafted onto the desiccated skeleton of a giant ground sloth found in a Peruvian cave system with our finest palaeomedical technologies. With our breakthrough cloning of extinct animal tissues, we realised we had the perfect opportunity to give a remarkable species a chance to live again peacefully, but decided to abandon that opportunity in favour of making a fucked up war machine with 20,000 years of rage in its blood. As such we have souped up Megatherium’s enormous clawed forearms with the addition of a hulking, belt-fed underslung chaingun, and laced its shaggy hide with hundreds of bony subdermal plates and leathery cysts. To make the actions of this armoured behemoth more fascinating, we have deactivated its optic nerves, routing extra sound receptors in place instead. Now this snarling gunnery emplacement is adapted to hunt by sound rather than sight. 


Strengths:

Chuggatherium is a bipedal beast with the mass of an African elephant, and two vast arms designed to smash trees in one blow. The addition of a gatling gun to all this can only be seen as a plus point. 


Weaknesses:

Blindness is certainly an impediment to this diurnal creature, making its firing wildly inaccurate, and a herbivorous nature may work against it with regards to its capacity to hunt. Additionally, it’s tendency to bellow when enraged causes a certain amount of disruption to its auditory systems. 


Special skills:

If it manages to plunge the claws of its gatling arm into an opposing creature with sufficient force to impale, accuracy is no object. The force of a chaingun firing whilst embedded within a body cavity will rip all but the most hardcore beast apart instantly. 


Points of interest:

The chaingun is controlled by neural impulses, transmitted by a thick metal cable bolted to the outside of the creature’s arm, shoulder and neck.


Battle four: Gaze not into the abyss...


Mr. Atlantic – killer whale with a troll’s legs and arms grafted on to it 



Lore:

Freshly delivered through our transdimensional freight wormhole to Mordor, we here at zoofights were delighted to receive the frozen carcass of a mountain troll earlier this year. We wasted no time in sewing the four limbs of the creature onto the body of a killer whale, reinforcing and restructuring the skeleton to adopt the new appendages, and wiring them into the nervous system with thick bio-electric cable. After months of training against test hippos in semi-aquatic arenas and watching loads of “lord of the rings” videos, our new creation was soon able to walk, run and smash out of water, as well as rend limbs, pick up boulders and crush large objects. Now, after extensive therapy to toughen the epidermis, Mr.Atlantic only needs to return to water to shit and throw bachelor parties. Combining the combat abilities of the ocean’s most heartless predator and the shock troops of Sauron’s finest, Mr. Atlantic boasts almost unbelievable strength and cruelty. 


Strengths:

If being strong is a strength, then Mr.Atlantic is strong squared. With four tree-sized limbs, epic jaws and a tail like a freight train, this killer has the tools to whale on anything that opposes him. 


Weaknesses:

At the end of the day, we just couldn’t get Mr.Atlantic’s wiring right, and so he moves like a bit of a lumbering cretin, roaring and blundering into walls. On the plus side, he can always take out those walls that manage to get in his way. Whilst his power and toughness are outrageous, on a bad day Mr. Atlantic is prone to finding barn doors surprisingly elusive combatants. 


Special skills:

When maddened and surrounded by enemies, Mr.Atlantic will often be seen reverting to instinctive behaviour, with devastating results. Lunging horizontally onto his belly with jaws agape as if beaching himself to catch a seal, Mr.A is quite capable of toppling and maiming all but the most sturdy of natural objects. 


Points of interest:

Mr.Atlantic throws incredible batchelor parties, and cooks an amazing leg of lamb



VERSUS



Owl Patrol – 20 men with the heads of owls, military rags and rusty knives 


Lore:

After the Vietnam war, Zoofights did its part for the rehabilitation of veterans into society, by taking the conflict’s hundred most disturbed survivors, locking them in our hospital-factories and gradually turning them into Owlmen. The men we took were strung out with years of shell-shock, strong cannabis, war horror, experimental military research drugs and hallucinogens, to the point where they were almost glad to have their minds merged with those of owls. Almost. The 80 men who survived the enhancements were tall, gaunt and human from the neck down except for scraggly patches of down and torn feathers, with their heads almost like those of giant barn owls, but with disturbingly familiar eyes. When we saw these hideous creatures in their final form, we immediately scrapped our plan to make them lovable mascots for the nation’s military, and decided to ditch them somewhere where we’d never have to look at them again: a hole. As such we tipped them into an uncharted cave system in the Appalachians, uniforms and all, and went guiltlessly about our lives. Now, 30 years later, we’ve found them again. After hearing reports of a geological survey team missing without a trace in the limestone caverns of West Virginia, and having just bought the DVD of “The Descent”, we flew 2 Chinooks full of shock troops straight to the mountains and began an extensive sweep of the underworld. What we found, after four days of fruitless searching and our men being dragged screaming into tiny passages beneath the earth, was pure zoofights gold: 20 survivors of the Owl Patrol Project, still dressed in khaki rags, clutching rusted, jagged fragments of rifle parts and caked in three decades of blood, filth and horror. We had finally created the most insane organisms on the planet. Without a second thought we put them in cryo, and shipped them straight to our new Canadian facility, where they now awake activation and combat. 


Strengths:

Strong, determined and smart as a man. Swift, silent and accurate as an owl. Crazy like a hobo. 


Weaknesses:

Complete and utter insanity. In addition, their sinewy, Gollum-like strength is offset by fragile bodies ruined through years of desperate existence underground. 


Special skills:

An eerie hoot can creep out all but the steeliest of enemies, whilst their hands and feet are twisted into birdlike talons with a grip that can climb most surfaces. Also, their vile blades are so rusty and dirty that infection and poisoning is likely to follow any wound. 


Points of interest:

These owlmen have only survived so long in the blackness by looking out for each other. Whereas they’re all far too crazy to work in any kind of coordinated unit, they will tend to swarm together and lash out at anything they see attacking their fellow monstrosities.

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