In 2005, the very first Zoofights took place in a thread on the forums over at www.somethingawful.com.
Unlike later Zoofights, it was a text-only affair; the work of a lone fool driven by midnight questions about which animals would win in fights with each other.
But it soon grew beyond its original scope, giving some readers legitimate nightmares about mashed up swans.
After being introduced to 16 competitors in 8 match-ups, participants in the thread argued over likely outcomes, choosing favourites and casting their votes for them.
After winners were declared, the eight losers got to fight each other again for a chance to stay in the tournament, albeit patched up with substandard prosthetics.
This "Loser's League" has remained a crucial factor in all subsequent Zoofights, usually producing one or more horrendous villains for the latter stages of the tournament.
What follows is the transcript of ZF1, minus the audience commentary which informed some of the between-rounds "upgrades". When a chance presents itself, I'll go back and include some of the astute musings on animal combat that took place in the original thread.