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Announcement: ZooCross 3000

Dear Sports Fans,

We're going to hold a race. I don't want to say too much yet, but I've decided it would be super fun to have a running event over a couple of weeks, featuring a Wacky Races-style lineup of former zoofights competitors trying to race across the USA while trying to batter the turds out of each other. Needless to say we've already got some competitors in mind for that, but if you want to suggest any more, be my guest. Arbitrary teamups are fine, since we will be working entirely outside continuity.

ZooCross 3000 will take place soon, but not immediately - I've got a week-long business trip to a former Soviet state coming up tomorrow (true story), so anything I post will be tempered by the limitations of whatever net access I have, plus the effect of pints of cheap vodka.

Nevertheless, whether I or one of the old team posts it, I'm going to try and make sure you have another fight drawn from the pool of suggestions made at the start of the season to entertain you while I'm away.

In the meantime, I encourage you to post ideas for Shit You'd Like to See this season, since we are in anything-goes mode. Ideas I'd like to tackle soon are:

- ZooCross 3000

- Sun Cat vs Moon Cat (an adorable fight suggestion from someone's awesome kid relative)

- Something to tie in with the Olympics

- Zoofights.... in Haiku!

- Adventures of Biguana

- a secret thing

- more what I have forgotten write now

Anyway, I'm now giving ZF majordomo IronicHide and grand vizier Gravitas Shortfall the keys to this blog until I have reliable internet access again, so who knows what to expect!

Much love,




Reader Comments (13)

Overlord and Wolfbike are some obvious choices. Maybe one-legged cat on Bikebike too! Bisontrain, Delorelion, the bacon tank from ZF1, Chimp My Ride from ZF2, and Hog Wild. Those are my ideas.

May 15, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJumpropeman

Bikebike and a Jar of Frog's Piss teamup, fo sho

May 15, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterOgopogo

Oh my god the adventures of Biguanna. Yes. Yes. My life would be complete.

Fuck that is is actually ZooCross 3000 which will drown my life in glee and happiness and beer and riots.

Is the Snapture a road hazard?

Also guys, let's be honest. Achilles Eel is a BORN Wacky Racer!

May 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterZuki

Teams are submitting entry forms for ZooCross 3000 (from across time and the globe) right now and we are holding out for the best bribes as I type. This may or may not include Two Bad Ass Pangolins in their 1980s sedan.

Of particular consideration when it comes to voting arguments should be the capabilities of the vehicles / machines, as well as the monsters welded to them.

Other ideas, generally, may include an extension of the characters we were lucky enough to interview from ZF6. Mad Mel, Australia's finest law-enforcement alcoholic, has some stories. Or we could have some more rounds of Horrendous Beasts Answer Your Questions.

Question: Who were your favourite ZooFighters that never were? Ones that were referenced but we never actually saw in a bash? The Reticulated Giraffe, the army of Jay-Z clones, Das Goat, etc.

May 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterIronicHide

To answer IronicHide's question: The Pheasant's Revolt. I'd love to see a bunch of Pheasants in rags brandishing pitchforks and farm tools turned weaponry.

May 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJumpropeman

It would be pretty much blasphemy if you held a race and somehow left out the only two Zoofighters to previously race, Wolfbike and Trilobike, so I'll give them a token mention. I also can't help but think the Rollerskating Lions with Cannons for Asses would be a wonderful, horrible addition to the race. They'd rule at the straightaways!

Adventures of Biguana makes me imagine a twisted children's book.

There was talk in the past of some sort of comic or adventure story about The Snapture. I wouldn't mind seeing that.

May 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterGooper Blooper

I want to see the Lesser of Two Eagles and the necessary Eagle lay down the tag-team smackdown on the Pheasant's Revolt. Birdfites!

May 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterRedSpy

I'll second Wolfbike and Two Bad Ass Pangolins. As we saw from the Black Rabbath fight, Drillz is a really good driver.

Who else? Mechos and Darth Gorilla for sure. With its propulsion engines and underslung gattling gun this team was born to participate in a wacky race. Croctopus in an airship would also make a good competitor - we only got to see it briefly before it was fried by Ouroboros.

May 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTheMostGloriousFrog

I'd like to see Black Rabbath (120+ mph top speed, never tires, super jumping, and turn on a dime manuvering), Imperaptor (Fierce predatory nature, flashy ranged weapons, strong legs), and Murducken (See Imperaptor). You can use Battleopteryx or Raptorcycle if you want to distinguish the two, but I think having two racers that are so similar would make for an interesting mirror match. Also recommending Hydrifficus for humor value and Horsepower if you want to make the winner obvious from the start (Literally as fast as lightning, can phase through solid objects, and can fly).

May 20, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterIamyourking

I don't know if there could be any more good vehicles, but I definitely think The Penguin, Nelson, and the Gecko should be driving some of the contestants. Heck, maybe throw in Bango and Crash driving a police car on top of that.

May 21, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCornwind Evil

Regarding Horsepower as an obvious winner....the genre conventions of Wacky Races nearly always dictate that the really obvious winner/lead will lose, actually. Also I'm not sure it would make an entertaining vehicle racer. We've already got enough BRUTES ON BIKES, I'd say.

Really, the big question here is why nobody is screaming for the excellence that is Monster Truck/Delorelion to make another appearance.

May 21, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterZuki

Croctopus and Batahan on a team PLEASE. This was the hardest decision between fighters -- you don't even know, man.

May 22, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBanjo jojo

Put in The Greatest Shark on Earth, a huge-ass basking shark with a mouth full of jagged shards of metal, big muscly arms with giant metal hammers instead of hands, an oven for a stomach, and a pair of jet turbines strapped to its back. Did I mention he looks like a circus strongman you would see only in your nightmares, complete with amazing mustache? I didn't? What a shame.

And now that I've brought up the oven in his stomach, you all have no choice but to pit #The Greatest Shark On Earth vs. The Osmium Chef. As a final note, I can't still can't sign up for the Zoofights forums, so if you could, so I'm limited to posting here.

June 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterChewglocka

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